“Yeah, I broke his window, keyed his fucking car too…”

The female was talking loud. Hell, she didn’t really need a phone. All she had to do was open the bus window and the conversation could’ve been heard in the next borough. I was trying to concentrate on the book I was reading, but with her yammering several inches away from my ear it wasn’t happening. Exasperated, I looked out the window to see how far I was from my stop and caught her eye as she hung up her phone. That was all she needed.

“ Mira, mira tu” ( hey, hey you ) she said in her badly accented Spanish looking at me.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Knock yourself out.” I replied

“Check this out right…I just found out my man was playing me.”

“ That bastard.”

“Yeah right?”

“So what did you want to ask me?” I replied.

“His cousin is barking on me cause I tore up his car.”

“Wow.”

“I’m saying I keyed it and broke his windows too.”

“So I heard.” along with everybody else in the 5 boroughs

She nodded her head. Curiosity got the better of me.

“What kind of car was it?” I asked.

“A Bentley Continental Flying Spur… 2009”

I winced and said, “Ouch.”

She smiled at my reaction…it’s a twisted world we live in folks when innocent cars are made to pay for their owners’ sins.

“I paid him back for breaking my heart.” She said,

“True that.”

“I’m saying you know and eye for an eye. Now he talking about pressing charges against me.”

“Well there ya go. Every action has a consequence. He broke your heart, you killed his car. It all evens out in the end.”

The fact that I was saying all of this with a straight face seemed to cheer her up. No way in hell was I telling this psycho she was in any way wrong.

“Can I get an amen sister?” she said and laughed

“Amen, amen, praise be Jesus.” I replied.

“Still I can’t front I love the man.” She said,

“Uh look I hate to be the one to break the news to you but I doubt there’s going to be any make-up sex after this.”

“Yeah I’m sure you’re right but he gonna think twice before he play the next female dirty.”

The female had a point and I had to concede it. Hell, if I were him I wouldn’t even let the next female know I owned a skateboard much less a car. You live and learn.

Note: Back in college, I had a blog (Mia Shaken Not Stirred) at some point I got locked out and was never able to get back in and I stopped blogging. I recently took a look at my old blog and the stories still cracked me up so I decided to repost my favorites here.

Originally Posted: Saturday, May 09, 2009

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