Get On The F**kin’ Bus Kid, Before They Turn On Me

Due to some decent genetics plus the fact that I’m not even five feet tall people have a tendency to think I’m a lot younger than I am. While I have always found it frustrating having to prove my age to the incredulous, I recently discovered that this whole looking like a kid thing can actually work to my advantage…

It was a bone chilling, rainy day and as I watched the wind twist umbrellas into pieces of modern art from the bus window it dawned on me that my messenger bag felt awfully light. I had left my textbook behind and damn it to hell I actually needed it for the class I was heading off to. I hopped off the bus at the next stop and walked back home wondering if I was suffering from some sort of dementia. Several days before I almost stepped out of my room without pants after suddenly remembering I had a message for my mother. It was only when I opened my door and felt the chill across my thighs did I look down and realized my pants were still on the bed. I’ve never been able to leave my house without having to turn back. It’s like a freaking curse not to mention it’s become a family joke. It’s always the same routine as I get ready to leave a list shouted out at me, “Mia don’t forget your… phone..wallet…ID…money…bank card…” Still I always leave something behind.

I ran into my house, grabbed the text book from the dining room table and ran back out before the elevator even had a chance to leave my floor. Yes! Luck was on my side. The bus was just pulling in as well when I reached the corner. When I slipped my metro card into the slot the driver told me I couldn’t board the bus with my card because it had just been used at this bus stop not more than 10 minutes ago. I explained to him that I’d forgotten my school book and had to get off the bus to get it. Still he refused to let me back on the bus unless I paid. I checked my pockets but I had no change, of course I’d left my change purse behind. “Do you have change for a five?” I asked, “No, he replied “get off the bus.”

I tried to convince him to let me on after all I do pay 70 plus bucks a month for my monthly unlimited metro card, it’s a stupid rule that they have that you can’t swipe twice on a route within minutes if you ask me. Still, he refused to let me on. Finally a lady noticed what was going on and started flipping on the driver, “Oh for the love of God it’s raining outside and she’s just a little girl! You can’t leave the little girl standing outside like that it’s not right! She’s just a little girl!” Several passengers took note of me in the doorway soaking wet and after getting an eye full of my best puppy dog eyes complete with little pout they took up my cause as well. In a matter of seconds the bus was filled with the chants of “She’s just a little girl! Let her on the bus!” The bus driver now felt like the bad guy, “Get on the fuckin’ bus kid, before they turn on me.” He grumbled.

Note: Back in college, I had a blog (Mia Shaken Not Stirred) at some point I got locked out, was never able to get back in and I stopped blogging. I recently took a look at my old blog and the stories still cracked me up so I decided to repost my favorites here.

Originally Posted: Saturday, March 8, 2008

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